thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize