I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
