Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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