R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
