I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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