Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
