My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
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Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
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We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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