Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
