Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
even my farts smell like vagina
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
