your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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