you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
