we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
