Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
