whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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