I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
