I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
