my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
