My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize