Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
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