Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
