i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Randomize
