I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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