So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
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