she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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