dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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