I'm drive I can fine osifer
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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