I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
