Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize