Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
