Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
