What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
