I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
