I'm so fucking centered right now
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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