So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
