if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
