I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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