I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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