I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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