I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
