Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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