the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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