oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
