I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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