Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You pole danced in your parka.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
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