I think I won the penis lottery.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
