She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Randomize
