He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
