Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
The best revenge is premature balding
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
