So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
