Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
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That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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