My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
