she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
