So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize