I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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