Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
