He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize