apparently the secret to your success is patron
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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