Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
